So, I decided that for my first entry I should talk about my first pivotal transition to self awareness and appreciation... It's a step-by-step process ya'll... and by no means an "easy" one!
Thinking back on my younger years if you had a 'fro or dreads, it was like eewwww... ESPECIALLY if it wasn't combed (a la School Daze days)... Everybody thought Freddie from A Different World was SO eccentric; ringlets, bohemian hippie chic and all... we all couldn't wait for the episode where she actually pressed her hair to get that or so less nappy... Hmmmmm...
Well I think that perspective seems to reign supreme in black society... not that it is a good or bad thing, for to each his own. So precedes the sterotype of the olden days, i.e. brown paper bag tests. Usually the lighter you are the, ahem, easier your hair was to comb and thus more acceptable.
I personally got a bit frustrated with accepting the idea that I need a perm every time a wave or two of new growth rears it's "nappy, ugly head."
Beginning in November 2008, I decided I would put in my LAST relaxer... bka Creamy Crack aka Sodium Hydroxide. Did you know that it has the same pH balance (13) as DRANO… Our hair should be somewhere around 5.5. WOW.
*shuddering at the thought of the burning sensation*
I had bad experiences with relaxers over the two years before that… from nameless Nashville, TN “I-think-know-what-I’m-doing” salon tragedies to reverse Mohawks… sheesh.
Having had a relaxer on my head since I was 9, I was so happy and relieved to finally be able to cut off the relaxed ends when I BC'd (big chopped) on April 21, 2009. YAY!
Who wasn’t scared??? A sista was SCURRED! Honey, I was so nervous to cut my hair to a little afro, especially wit errybody you see being unbeweavable or at least relaxed… Going against the grain was a bit unnerving at first! I was literally terrified. I have been one of those proud on the outside, “how will they take me?” on the inside type of people. I feel everyone may have varying degrees of “Do You Like Me?” syndrome.
I admit I was afraid for people to look at me strange or be like “eeeeeewwww she needs Dr. Miracle”… or “she got sum nappy hurr!” LOL
God chose not to make me a lightskinned chick with wavy hair down my back... nope. not me. And He obviously made my like this for a reason. My hair grows, but it grows as kinky as it comes.... and I LOVE it. I had to learn to embrace THREE truths…
1. Relaxed hair truly did not identify with the ME that I was becoming… AND
2. I wanted my hair (and more importantly my inner self) to exemplify the perfection of God…
3. I needed to accept and adore the Dani that He created… the beginning of my PROCESS of self-discovery!
So in pushing past the fears I cut it all off and have not looked back! My kinky hair is my crown and glory! I truly fall in love with my hair every day because it is God’s work at its finest.
Yes!
It IS that serious! J
Call me too deep or introspective, but I feel that it represents freedom from oppressive stereotypes placed on Black people by society and I love it.
Thanks to the fabulous natural hair community on YouTube (kimmaytube, beautifulbrwnbabydol, prettydimples01, shidanatural, blackonyx77, janeezy01, sheacocoaluv to name a few) my inspirational and beautiful black & natural sistas.... through them I have learned how to better care for my hair in its beautifully kinky and curly fineness and have also learned how to add kinky twists as a protective style (thanks thomasadriana)!
Nov 2009
I have learned SO much about myself in the year that I have been natural... which would take me ALL day to talk about ... lol
~> Whatever choose to do and set my mind to do, I can do it! I am a "research rat" anyway… so if I can look at a video for 10 minutes and figure out something as tedious as braiding my OWN head full of kinky twists, then surely I have enough tenacity to tackle the more meaningful and more difficult goals that I have placed upon myself. More about those later. ;-)
~> Going natural was the first step toward embracing that I am fearfully & wonderfully made in the Lord (Ps 139:14)! Accepting the “you” that God created you to be is self-love.. inside and out. This does not mean that only natural hair individuals embody self love... Not even! For me, it means embracing me and being content in who I am, my personality, my quirks, my body... everything!
If you are not happy with something about you, change it! God loves you just as you are. If you can't change it, change how you feel about it and learn to see the beauty and individuality in it! Simple and plain! Self-love means being able to receive and accept God’s love for us… once we love ourselves we can then love others in the way God loves us! I am on my way to the fullness of freedom on the outside and more importantly, on the inside. Yassssss…
So being 11 months natural, I am so appreciative of the growth both internally and externally. Look at how long it’s gotten in almost a year!
Feb 2010I watched "Good Hair" (The Chris Rock movie) today and it really got me to thinking again... how GRATEFUL I am to have gone natural! Now PLEASE don't get me wrong... I adopt the policy of do you and do it well. I do not have a concern what other people choose to do with their hair, be it relaxer, weave, or texturizer… whatever's clever IMHO.
I just know that for ME, natural hair = freedom. Ya dig.
Deuces & Smooches!
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